英語候補to cry in bedto cry oneself to sleepto weep secretly in bedto moisten one's pillow (with one's tears)
石に枕し流れに漱ぐいしにまくらしながれにくちすすぐ慣用句ことわざto live freely in the wildernessto sleep on a pillow of stone and rinse one's mouth with river water
泣いて馬謖を斬るないてばしょくをきる慣用句ことわざbeing just before one is generouspunishing someone you love or value to uphold the rules